ZooK
You'll meet 'em all again in yer long journey to the middle.
So I thought I'd share this. I'm at Goodwill today, buying a present for my lady***1***and there's this kid walking around in Adidas running pants, a light blue blazer more than likely borrowed from the Jerry Stiller collection**2*** and this visor that had devil's ears attatched to the brim. He also had at least SEVEN separate facial piercings***3*** and had his hair all spiked up beyond the band of the visor. I think he had eye makeup on, but that could have been some heroin residue. The guy was walking around picking up every suit coat and trying them on and then running to the dressing room and then running back and putting the suit back exactly where he found it and moving on to the next and so on and so on.
Anyway, I'm in line behind this couple, and they are laughing at him and making comments like "little faggot". So I just stare at him when he turns around, and he gets red in the face, and then he says something to the effect of "not that there's anything wrong with that" with his eyes. Now this guy had two teeth, one of which was so close to falling out that I could have pulled it out with a tootbrush***4***, and he had this enormous dunlap***5*** of which I haven't seen the likes since the last time I saw Rosie O'donnel, and his hair was greasy and slicked back in its own grossness, and he was buying 15 teddy bears on which he spent $4.97 and then complained that the clerk had charged him fifteen cents extra. So I guess I should have said "yer a fucking moron toothless bastard", but I'm sure his life is so endless and terrible that he probably would have just sighed and said "that's supposed to be a revelation?"***6***
Goodwill as bad as the DMV or the Post OFfice? You bet.
The Cubs are for real, ladies and gents. 8-1 in the 4th, and no signs of stopping. I'll coin a catch-all right now: The Two-Out Bad Mother Fuckers, or for the pg-13 audience: TTOBMF's.
The next five songs on yer radio in a perfect world would be: "Dirty work" by steely dan; "cigarettes and chocolate milk" by rufus wainwright; "don't punch your friend" by bluetip; "our weekend starts on wednesday" by hey mercedes; and "fuzzy" by grant lee buffalo.
IN the stereo: Cubs 8- Brewlosers1***7***
***1***SHould I admit that I bought a present for someone at Goodwill? Yes, if only because I'm not buying her a Valentine's gift or anything, plus I didn't go with the intention of buying anything for her, I just saw it and had to get it. Which I feel is better than any $1000 gift you could come up with.
***2***RIght next to the Bro. (or the Mansier, if you prefer)
***3***If I remember correctly, it was both eyebrows(2) both nostrils (2+2=4) his lip (2+2+1=5) his tongue (2+2+1+1=6) and his little thing under the lip (2+2+1+1+1=7).
***4***Something this guy would marvel at and go "what the fuck is that thing", his gums as black and rotten as the pit of a year old horse apple.
***5***His belly dunlapped over his belt.
***6***He actually would have tried to punch me.
***7***By the way, I picked up the 1st Rufus Wainwright and Steely Dan records today, if only because I'm tired of the tapes.
You'll meet 'em all again in yer long journey to the middle.
So I thought I'd share this. I'm at Goodwill today, buying a present for my lady***1***and there's this kid walking around in Adidas running pants, a light blue blazer more than likely borrowed from the Jerry Stiller collection**2*** and this visor that had devil's ears attatched to the brim. He also had at least SEVEN separate facial piercings***3*** and had his hair all spiked up beyond the band of the visor. I think he had eye makeup on, but that could have been some heroin residue. The guy was walking around picking up every suit coat and trying them on and then running to the dressing room and then running back and putting the suit back exactly where he found it and moving on to the next and so on and so on.
Anyway, I'm in line behind this couple, and they are laughing at him and making comments like "little faggot". So I just stare at him when he turns around, and he gets red in the face, and then he says something to the effect of "not that there's anything wrong with that" with his eyes. Now this guy had two teeth, one of which was so close to falling out that I could have pulled it out with a tootbrush***4***, and he had this enormous dunlap***5*** of which I haven't seen the likes since the last time I saw Rosie O'donnel, and his hair was greasy and slicked back in its own grossness, and he was buying 15 teddy bears on which he spent $4.97 and then complained that the clerk had charged him fifteen cents extra. So I guess I should have said "yer a fucking moron toothless bastard", but I'm sure his life is so endless and terrible that he probably would have just sighed and said "that's supposed to be a revelation?"***6***
Goodwill as bad as the DMV or the Post OFfice? You bet.
The Cubs are for real, ladies and gents. 8-1 in the 4th, and no signs of stopping. I'll coin a catch-all right now: The Two-Out Bad Mother Fuckers, or for the pg-13 audience: TTOBMF's.
The next five songs on yer radio in a perfect world would be: "Dirty work" by steely dan; "cigarettes and chocolate milk" by rufus wainwright; "don't punch your friend" by bluetip; "our weekend starts on wednesday" by hey mercedes; and "fuzzy" by grant lee buffalo.
IN the stereo: Cubs 8- Brewlosers1***7***
***1***SHould I admit that I bought a present for someone at Goodwill? Yes, if only because I'm not buying her a Valentine's gift or anything, plus I didn't go with the intention of buying anything for her, I just saw it and had to get it. Which I feel is better than any $1000 gift you could come up with.
***2***RIght next to the Bro. (or the Mansier, if you prefer)
***3***If I remember correctly, it was both eyebrows(2) both nostrils (2+2=4) his lip (2+2+1=5) his tongue (2+2+1+1=6) and his little thing under the lip (2+2+1+1+1=7).
***4***Something this guy would marvel at and go "what the fuck is that thing", his gums as black and rotten as the pit of a year old horse apple.
***5***His belly dunlapped over his belt.
***6***He actually would have tried to punch me.
***7***By the way, I picked up the 1st Rufus Wainwright and Steely Dan records today, if only because I'm tired of the tapes.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home