ZooK
Don't be sad.
Please, see Pearl Harbor.
Do not, however, bring a date or someone who seriously wants to see it. Go with yer buddies, have a few beers beforehand**1***, loosen up. Because, in a tragic and sad and disgraceful way, Pearl Harbor is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Let me explain that both of my grandfathers fought in WWII, my mom's dad as an MP in Europe and my dad's dad as a tank operator in Africa. They are heroes, veterans, and deserve more respect and memorial than I can offer. The men and women who died at Pearl Harbor are heroes too. SO please don't think That I don't take this seriously, because I do. And this film is a joke.
Try hard not to laugh at Alec Baldwin (by the way, from here on out we'll have what I like to call the "Pearl Harbor Cliche Bing! Game". Everytime there's a war cliche, whether spoken or shown, the Bing! will arise, and frighten you). Attempt not to cringe when a dying (Bing!) man says things like "i'm so cold" or (BING!) "take care of her for me", all the while Bay and Bruckheimer glorifying and exploiting and distorting the violence in a vile attempt to recoup the 165 million dollars they had to drop.
Try not to expel loud shrieks of terror when the love triangle (BING!) explodes. Try to believe that Kate Beckinsale can act ***2***. Better yet, try to imagine that Ben Affleck hasn't completely wasted what little credibility he had left by actually calling the script "really strong and powerful"(BING!)***3***.
Mebbe it was the company I was in, but I left this movie in tears. I couldn't stop laughing from when Alec Baldwin appeared, seemingly caught in a Saturday Night Live skit, spewing lines like: (BIng!)"Do you know what Top Secret Means!?!"***4*** or "Look next to you gents, that person will not be alive in three weeks"***5***, until they buried that Goldbricking Josh Hartnett in the back yard next to the barn and the farmhouse. (BING!) As Rich put it: "Oh no! Don't tell me they're going to bury him in the backyard like a dog!?!?!". The monument is more expensive than the whole fucking barn! Boooooo! and yet, BRAVO! too! Never a funnier experience than this god-awful "film".(BIng!)
The people next to us were all into it, and we're laughing, and on the way out they give Rich a dirty look, and he goes: "It's not my fault Alec Baldwin acts like a porno star!". (BING!)
***1***Panaphobic does not, in any way, condone the coupling of drinking and driving. Call a cab, ride the el, mebbe even walk, but don't drink and drive. DUI ruins life. Please. thanks.
***2***I want to believe, too. Alas, I cannot. She s.u.c.k.s.
***3***When he really should have just shut his mouth after the "Gwyneth liked it!" statement.
***4***Isn't that a Val kilmer movie?(BING!)
***5***Who did Alec Baldwin blow to get that part? Did he write himself into the fucking movie? BOOOOOOO!
BING!
Don't be sad.
Please, see Pearl Harbor.
Do not, however, bring a date or someone who seriously wants to see it. Go with yer buddies, have a few beers beforehand**1***, loosen up. Because, in a tragic and sad and disgraceful way, Pearl Harbor is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Let me explain that both of my grandfathers fought in WWII, my mom's dad as an MP in Europe and my dad's dad as a tank operator in Africa. They are heroes, veterans, and deserve more respect and memorial than I can offer. The men and women who died at Pearl Harbor are heroes too. SO please don't think That I don't take this seriously, because I do. And this film is a joke.
Try hard not to laugh at Alec Baldwin (by the way, from here on out we'll have what I like to call the "Pearl Harbor Cliche Bing! Game". Everytime there's a war cliche, whether spoken or shown, the Bing! will arise, and frighten you). Attempt not to cringe when a dying (Bing!) man says things like "i'm so cold" or (BING!) "take care of her for me", all the while Bay and Bruckheimer glorifying and exploiting and distorting the violence in a vile attempt to recoup the 165 million dollars they had to drop.
Try not to expel loud shrieks of terror when the love triangle (BING!) explodes. Try to believe that Kate Beckinsale can act ***2***. Better yet, try to imagine that Ben Affleck hasn't completely wasted what little credibility he had left by actually calling the script "really strong and powerful"(BING!)***3***.
Mebbe it was the company I was in, but I left this movie in tears. I couldn't stop laughing from when Alec Baldwin appeared, seemingly caught in a Saturday Night Live skit, spewing lines like: (BIng!)"Do you know what Top Secret Means!?!"***4*** or "Look next to you gents, that person will not be alive in three weeks"***5***, until they buried that Goldbricking Josh Hartnett in the back yard next to the barn and the farmhouse. (BING!) As Rich put it: "Oh no! Don't tell me they're going to bury him in the backyard like a dog!?!?!". The monument is more expensive than the whole fucking barn! Boooooo! and yet, BRAVO! too! Never a funnier experience than this god-awful "film".(BIng!)
The people next to us were all into it, and we're laughing, and on the way out they give Rich a dirty look, and he goes: "It's not my fault Alec Baldwin acts like a porno star!". (BING!)
***1***Panaphobic does not, in any way, condone the coupling of drinking and driving. Call a cab, ride the el, mebbe even walk, but don't drink and drive. DUI ruins life. Please. thanks.
***2***I want to believe, too. Alas, I cannot. She s.u.c.k.s.
***3***When he really should have just shut his mouth after the "Gwyneth liked it!" statement.
***4***Isn't that a Val kilmer movie?(BING!)
***5***Who did Alec Baldwin blow to get that part? Did he write himself into the fucking movie? BOOOOOOO!
BING!
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