Zach “Even Out” Kuhn
Morgan, would you stop jerking off in my mother’s room?!!?!?!? That’s fucking filthy!
Great, I’m back. I may or may not have a full out case of pink eye, caused, in my opinion, by the new bird living at my house. Her name is Nell, and before you get all hissy about keeping a caged bird, know that we saved her from a house where she would have been neglected. Now she has a mom who is willing to spend massive amounts of dough to keep her animals happy, and we let her out and she sits on your shoulder while you vacuum or wash the dishes or whatever. Anyway, I have pink eye and now have to go to the DMV(or post office for certain people
of University services: Health Services. Last time I went there with numbness in my left pinky and ring finger***1*** I ended up at Bromenn hospital for tests that might have cost me over 5 thousand dollars had I not asked the simple question: “how much is this going to cost?”***2***
Bad thing #2: Someone drank five of my cokes***3*** over the weekend. I am a simple man who enjoys simple pleasures. I like for the food and drink that I pay for to be for my consumption only, unless a person asks me directly to share in MY bounty. I can’t prove who took them, but you know who you are. Shame on you, and a plague on yer room.
Bad thing #3: Starburst is running a survey where you can vote for Green Apple to replace Lemon in the original Starburst (yellow package). This is an outrage. I am a long time Starburst consumer and look to the Lemon candy to offset the not so good Cherry chew. Please, if ye have an oz. of soul,
Go to their website and demand this be put to a stop. I know I’m not the only person in America who is Obsessive Compulsive about food/candy/drink/life.
Good thing #1: I ordered the new My Morning Jacket CD’s from Darla Records on Tuesday and they arrived safely in my mailbox on Saturday. That’s four days for them to find them off the shelf, get them in a package, put them in the mail, and send them to Normal from California. Well done, ladies and gentlemen.
Good thing #2: I finally found a Wire CD this weekend, and it’s rocking my ass. I never liked the Ramones or any old school Punk stuff (other than the Clash, because I feel that for bands that relied on the time period to move you don’t translate over time)***4***, but this shit is wicked awesome.
Good thing #3: I found out what the X in X-mas stands for. The Greek Letter Chi (X). Apparently it also represents the way that many Bible scholars (quite a gig, if you ask me) believe Jesus was actually crucified. For more on this, Email Me.
***1***Which I still have, though many in my family consider it a “mental illness”, much like my necessity to take showers every morning, my refusal to go camping because I’m afraid of raccoons, my need for ALL of my things to be replaced in EXACT condition when they are borrowed, regardless of whether or not I allow those things to be borrowed, my undying devotion to the Chicago Cubs and the Chicago Bears and Matt Damon and Jon Cryer, etc., etc.
***2***Which, by the way, took me over TWO hours to find out, as the hospital staff (other than Pam, the woman who took my information and then ripped it up for me when they told her the cost) decided that they didn’t want to disclose this information to a lowly college student who might actually choose no treatment for his Uninsured fat ass.
***3***for those of you reared south of 88 West and east of Indiana—soda. For those of you from the west, pop. For me—brilliance.
***4***By this I mean, for example, that it’s tough for me to really get into Flock of Seagulls because I was six when they hit it big and preferred my hair short on top and long in the back rather than tall and spirally. I do not mean that you can’t like Flock of Seagulls, I just mean that it’s very very very hard for a band that relies on image and doesn’t progress artistically through time to translate twenty years later. That said, Wire and The Clash and the beatles and the fucking Rolling Stones DO translate, because they go beyond boundaries into that area where yer ass starts shaking and you don’t have the time to think.
The next five songs on yer radio in a perfect world would be: “I Ran” by my morning jacket; “I ran” by flock of seagulls; “Car wheels on a gravel road” by lucinda williams; “1.2.X.U” by Wire; and “regionalists” by the mtsthelens.
IN the stereo: Nascar tonight muted behind My morning jacket’s “Tennessee Fire”.
Morgan, would you stop jerking off in my mother’s room?!!?!?!? That’s fucking filthy!
Great, I’m back. I may or may not have a full out case of pink eye, caused, in my opinion, by the new bird living at my house. Her name is Nell, and before you get all hissy about keeping a caged bird, know that we saved her from a house where she would have been neglected. Now she has a mom who is willing to spend massive amounts of dough to keep her animals happy, and we let her out and she sits on your shoulder while you vacuum or wash the dishes or whatever. Anyway, I have pink eye and now have to go to the DMV(or post office for certain people
of University services: Health Services. Last time I went there with numbness in my left pinky and ring finger***1*** I ended up at Bromenn hospital for tests that might have cost me over 5 thousand dollars had I not asked the simple question: “how much is this going to cost?”***2***
Bad thing #2: Someone drank five of my cokes***3*** over the weekend. I am a simple man who enjoys simple pleasures. I like for the food and drink that I pay for to be for my consumption only, unless a person asks me directly to share in MY bounty. I can’t prove who took them, but you know who you are. Shame on you, and a plague on yer room.
Bad thing #3: Starburst is running a survey where you can vote for Green Apple to replace Lemon in the original Starburst (yellow package). This is an outrage. I am a long time Starburst consumer and look to the Lemon candy to offset the not so good Cherry chew. Please, if ye have an oz. of soul,
Go to their website and demand this be put to a stop. I know I’m not the only person in America who is Obsessive Compulsive about food/candy/drink/life.
Good thing #1: I ordered the new My Morning Jacket CD’s from Darla Records on Tuesday and they arrived safely in my mailbox on Saturday. That’s four days for them to find them off the shelf, get them in a package, put them in the mail, and send them to Normal from California. Well done, ladies and gentlemen.
Good thing #2: I finally found a Wire CD this weekend, and it’s rocking my ass. I never liked the Ramones or any old school Punk stuff (other than the Clash, because I feel that for bands that relied on the time period to move you don’t translate over time)***4***, but this shit is wicked awesome.
Good thing #3: I found out what the X in X-mas stands for. The Greek Letter Chi (X). Apparently it also represents the way that many Bible scholars (quite a gig, if you ask me) believe Jesus was actually crucified. For more on this, Email Me.
***1***Which I still have, though many in my family consider it a “mental illness”, much like my necessity to take showers every morning, my refusal to go camping because I’m afraid of raccoons, my need for ALL of my things to be replaced in EXACT condition when they are borrowed, regardless of whether or not I allow those things to be borrowed, my undying devotion to the Chicago Cubs and the Chicago Bears and Matt Damon and Jon Cryer, etc., etc.
***2***Which, by the way, took me over TWO hours to find out, as the hospital staff (other than Pam, the woman who took my information and then ripped it up for me when they told her the cost) decided that they didn’t want to disclose this information to a lowly college student who might actually choose no treatment for his Uninsured fat ass.
***3***for those of you reared south of 88 West and east of Indiana—soda. For those of you from the west, pop. For me—brilliance.
***4***By this I mean, for example, that it’s tough for me to really get into Flock of Seagulls because I was six when they hit it big and preferred my hair short on top and long in the back rather than tall and spirally. I do not mean that you can’t like Flock of Seagulls, I just mean that it’s very very very hard for a band that relies on image and doesn’t progress artistically through time to translate twenty years later. That said, Wire and The Clash and the beatles and the fucking Rolling Stones DO translate, because they go beyond boundaries into that area where yer ass starts shaking and you don’t have the time to think.
The next five songs on yer radio in a perfect world would be: “I Ran” by my morning jacket; “I ran” by flock of seagulls; “Car wheels on a gravel road” by lucinda williams; “1.2.X.U” by Wire; and “regionalists” by the mtsthelens.
IN the stereo: Nascar tonight muted behind My morning jacket’s “Tennessee Fire”.
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