Marc
Man. I'm fucked. I totally took a 1h45m nap this afternoon, and now I know I'm not going to be able to fall asleep until somewhere around 2:45am - which, to be truthful, is still way earlier than I fell asleep last night. The main difference here is that I have to get up earlier tomorrow (7:45am) than I did today (9:15am). Granted, 7:45am will still feel like sleeping in when I compare it to my December sleeping schedule. I would venture to say that out of the last 30 days I probably woke up pre-5:45am more than 18 times. Take away holidays like Christmas and New Year's Day and a couple random weekend days where I certainly didn't have to wake-up for anything special, and I would say my average waking time hovered at somewhere between 5:15am and 5:33am. Sometimes I slept in. But never past 6am. But still. Tomorrow. I'm fucked.
I also have to pee.
Sooooo ... I've had this semi-obsession over Ted Leo lately. I swear to you he has recorded a song that is better than crack. If you like Ted Leo, then you will agree. His version of "Ghosts" by the Jam is like fucking crack. It gets in your head, and it makes you high. It's that simple. Crack. In song form. I wish I had nimble little fingers like Mr. L. He fills up tiny measures with tons of tiny notes. Trying to figure out how to play his songs on the guitar is incredibly difficult. It sounds like he's playing one chord, but when you really listen, you hear all these 32nd and 64th and 128th notes, and it gets frustrating. It's like trying to think about a black hole, really. You think and you think and you think, and yet you can't come to any concrete conclusions. Try to nail down "Timorous Me" on the guitar. It's impossible to play it exactly the same way T.L. does. But, still. "Ghosts." Like crack.
I peed after I wrote that last paragraph.
Which brings me to my next topic: the coupling (and potential de-coupling) of friends and relationships. I'm extremely selfish sometimes. I know this about myself. I'll give you a great example - my roommate and her boyfriend broke up recently, yet (while this saddens me a great deal b/c I really felt like I was on the verge of becoming a fairly close friend of her boyfriend - who we'll call Ralph - and who, coincidentally, is a great guy. A catch, really. Funny. Smart. Interesting. Stand-up in pretty much every way you can think of) I can only think of how it will affect me, ultimately. I became friends with my roommate (who we'll call Sheila) back when she was dating someone I had previously lived with (who we'll call Charles). It got weird between the three of us when Charles and Sheila broke up originally, because here I was stuck in the middle. I didn't like that feeling back then, and I'm certainly not looking forward to have to go through it again. To be honest, I was at Ralph's apartment last night playing Trivial Pursuit while Sheila stayed at home to watch Sex in the City. I'm having trouble, really, trying to figure out how to balance myself between two people whom I like and admire. The strangest thing about this whole situation is that I can't really talk about it with anyone. I'm certainly not going to ask Ralph how he feels about it because I know he's not happy. And I'm still not quite sure we're that close yet. At the same, I can't tell Sheila that I think she's made a big mistake (read: tell her that again) even though I think she has. In fact, I don't even like hearing her talk about the breakup because I'm actually that upset about it.
But really, when it comes down to it, I'm that upset because I don't want it to affect my life, and my routine. I liked having Ralph around, and I got comfortable with them doing their couple-type things. You know what I'm talking about. You've lived with someone when they bring over a date or a new girlfriend/boyfriend or whatever and it's kind of uncomfortable in that I-don't-even-know-this-person type way. You spend a lot of time in your room giving the new couple their freedom and space and time to get to know each other before you enter into the picture. Eventually, everything's cool. You're around that new person long enough for them to not be so new anymore, and you get used to them doing things as simple as snuggling on the couch while they watch a movie. And you even feel comfortable enough watching that movie, too. But there's always the beginning of that process - the uncomfortable and awkward moments when you come into contact with someone new, that just makes me squirm. And, being the selfish person that I am - and being the Ralph loyalist that I am - I don't want to have to go through anything like that again. I want Sheila and Ralph together, and ridiculous as this may seem, I want them together so I can watch movies in peace.
I'm an asshole. It has been duly noted. But I feel a bit better now that that is off my chest.
Man. I'm fucked. I totally took a 1h45m nap this afternoon, and now I know I'm not going to be able to fall asleep until somewhere around 2:45am - which, to be truthful, is still way earlier than I fell asleep last night. The main difference here is that I have to get up earlier tomorrow (7:45am) than I did today (9:15am). Granted, 7:45am will still feel like sleeping in when I compare it to my December sleeping schedule. I would venture to say that out of the last 30 days I probably woke up pre-5:45am more than 18 times. Take away holidays like Christmas and New Year's Day and a couple random weekend days where I certainly didn't have to wake-up for anything special, and I would say my average waking time hovered at somewhere between 5:15am and 5:33am. Sometimes I slept in. But never past 6am. But still. Tomorrow. I'm fucked.
I also have to pee.
Sooooo ... I've had this semi-obsession over Ted Leo lately. I swear to you he has recorded a song that is better than crack. If you like Ted Leo, then you will agree. His version of "Ghosts" by the Jam is like fucking crack. It gets in your head, and it makes you high. It's that simple. Crack. In song form. I wish I had nimble little fingers like Mr. L. He fills up tiny measures with tons of tiny notes. Trying to figure out how to play his songs on the guitar is incredibly difficult. It sounds like he's playing one chord, but when you really listen, you hear all these 32nd and 64th and 128th notes, and it gets frustrating. It's like trying to think about a black hole, really. You think and you think and you think, and yet you can't come to any concrete conclusions. Try to nail down "Timorous Me" on the guitar. It's impossible to play it exactly the same way T.L. does. But, still. "Ghosts." Like crack.
I peed after I wrote that last paragraph.
Which brings me to my next topic: the coupling (and potential de-coupling) of friends and relationships. I'm extremely selfish sometimes. I know this about myself. I'll give you a great example - my roommate and her boyfriend broke up recently, yet (while this saddens me a great deal b/c I really felt like I was on the verge of becoming a fairly close friend of her boyfriend - who we'll call Ralph - and who, coincidentally, is a great guy. A catch, really. Funny. Smart. Interesting. Stand-up in pretty much every way you can think of) I can only think of how it will affect me, ultimately. I became friends with my roommate (who we'll call Sheila) back when she was dating someone I had previously lived with (who we'll call Charles). It got weird between the three of us when Charles and Sheila broke up originally, because here I was stuck in the middle. I didn't like that feeling back then, and I'm certainly not looking forward to have to go through it again. To be honest, I was at Ralph's apartment last night playing Trivial Pursuit while Sheila stayed at home to watch Sex in the City. I'm having trouble, really, trying to figure out how to balance myself between two people whom I like and admire. The strangest thing about this whole situation is that I can't really talk about it with anyone. I'm certainly not going to ask Ralph how he feels about it because I know he's not happy. And I'm still not quite sure we're that close yet. At the same, I can't tell Sheila that I think she's made a big mistake (read: tell her that again) even though I think she has. In fact, I don't even like hearing her talk about the breakup because I'm actually that upset about it.
But really, when it comes down to it, I'm that upset because I don't want it to affect my life, and my routine. I liked having Ralph around, and I got comfortable with them doing their couple-type things. You know what I'm talking about. You've lived with someone when they bring over a date or a new girlfriend/boyfriend or whatever and it's kind of uncomfortable in that I-don't-even-know-this-person type way. You spend a lot of time in your room giving the new couple their freedom and space and time to get to know each other before you enter into the picture. Eventually, everything's cool. You're around that new person long enough for them to not be so new anymore, and you get used to them doing things as simple as snuggling on the couch while they watch a movie. And you even feel comfortable enough watching that movie, too. But there's always the beginning of that process - the uncomfortable and awkward moments when you come into contact with someone new, that just makes me squirm. And, being the selfish person that I am - and being the Ralph loyalist that I am - I don't want to have to go through anything like that again. I want Sheila and Ralph together, and ridiculous as this may seem, I want them together so I can watch movies in peace.
I'm an asshole. It has been duly noted. But I feel a bit better now that that is off my chest.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home