ZooK
Well I know it's been a little while since the first time that I made you smile but I thought I'd take this opportunity. To dig a little deeper inside, and find out what a girl like you is trying to hide from me.
Ten Things about Planet of the Apes, movies, or Life itself:
10. Pounds and pounds of makeup can't take away the gentle sexiness of Helena Bonham Carter, and the absolutely terrifying eyes and body of Tim Roth. If I were walking down the street, or a dark alley, and Tim Roth came up to me and called me a daft prick, I would just keep walking. And he's half my size. The man is a god damn living Michael Jackson video--creepy.
9. If you have a cell phone, and yer not either a habitual traveler or a doctor, you should probably throw it out the window. If not, please please please please DO NOT test out the different rings you get on the phone while I'm trying to watch previews. I don't give a flying rat's ass if yer phone can play "Auld Lang's Sign"***1*** or the theme to Green Acres.
8. Bodily functions are usually not embarassing. They are, however, when you are sitting in a crowded theatre filled to the brim with teenagers looking for any reason to expel loud noises or shrieks. So please, hold them in. If not for my highly trained sense of smell, then for the people around you. Thank you.
7. Mark Wahlberg runs the same in every movie. Watch Three Kings, then watch POTA, then Watch Boogie Nights, and there is no difference. This is a metaphor that will self destruct....
6. Popcorn was made to be eaten at home, not in a place where Silence is Golden. Especially not if you are going to crumple and shake the bag thousands of times just to avoid the kernels.
5. Tim Roth is still creeping me out.
4. It was so hot today that I burned off the fingertips of two of my fingers touching the aluminum that had been out in the sun for less than 5 minutes. Note to self: Don't ever work outside for a living. Ryan, stop laughing. Really, stop.
3. Surprise Ending implies that the movie ends in a way that will shock and make you believe it could have happened. I'll say this, as not to reveal too much. This is no "Bruce Willis is dead!" or "Kevin Spacey IS Kaiser Socey! (Sic)". This is more like, "Rosebud is a Sled!?!?!?!?!".
2. Half of the audience knew all the words to the trailer for American Pie 2. Before each catch-all, picture 100 pre-teens saying "I'm STUCK!" or "I hope he got her name". Not a good sign fer the future.
1. There is a distinct and important line between being NEAT and being CLEAN. Apes, in POTA anyway, are NEAT, meaning they keep things in order. They are not CLEAN however, because they are filthy and groom themselves with their fingers. NEAT equals tidy. CLEAN equals bodily cleanliness, and all around cleanness. To further explain, if you are the type of person who straightens a book but doesn't clean the dust from it, you are NEAT but not CLEAN. If you don't mind a thousand pieces of (clean) paper strewn about, but you can't stand to let a puddle of spilled soda sit on yer counter, you are CLEAN but not NEAT. A majority of people who consider themselves "CLEAN" are actually "NEAT" and vice versa. Glad to clear that up.
Next five: "Something Happpened on the Way to the Crack HOuse" by lois lane; "sublet" by lifter puller; "landslide" by fleetwood mac; "hag seed" by thirty ought six; and "astral weeks" by van morrison.
In the stereo: Cubs 4 Padlosers 3.
***1***Out of tune. I couldn't resist.
Well I know it's been a little while since the first time that I made you smile but I thought I'd take this opportunity. To dig a little deeper inside, and find out what a girl like you is trying to hide from me.
Ten Things about Planet of the Apes, movies, or Life itself:
10. Pounds and pounds of makeup can't take away the gentle sexiness of Helena Bonham Carter, and the absolutely terrifying eyes and body of Tim Roth. If I were walking down the street, or a dark alley, and Tim Roth came up to me and called me a daft prick, I would just keep walking. And he's half my size. The man is a god damn living Michael Jackson video--creepy.
9. If you have a cell phone, and yer not either a habitual traveler or a doctor, you should probably throw it out the window. If not, please please please please DO NOT test out the different rings you get on the phone while I'm trying to watch previews. I don't give a flying rat's ass if yer phone can play "Auld Lang's Sign"***1*** or the theme to Green Acres.
8. Bodily functions are usually not embarassing. They are, however, when you are sitting in a crowded theatre filled to the brim with teenagers looking for any reason to expel loud noises or shrieks. So please, hold them in. If not for my highly trained sense of smell, then for the people around you. Thank you.
7. Mark Wahlberg runs the same in every movie. Watch Three Kings, then watch POTA, then Watch Boogie Nights, and there is no difference. This is a metaphor that will self destruct....
6. Popcorn was made to be eaten at home, not in a place where Silence is Golden. Especially not if you are going to crumple and shake the bag thousands of times just to avoid the kernels.
5. Tim Roth is still creeping me out.
4. It was so hot today that I burned off the fingertips of two of my fingers touching the aluminum that had been out in the sun for less than 5 minutes. Note to self: Don't ever work outside for a living. Ryan, stop laughing. Really, stop.
3. Surprise Ending implies that the movie ends in a way that will shock and make you believe it could have happened. I'll say this, as not to reveal too much. This is no "Bruce Willis is dead!" or "Kevin Spacey IS Kaiser Socey! (Sic)". This is more like, "Rosebud is a Sled!?!?!?!?!".
2. Half of the audience knew all the words to the trailer for American Pie 2. Before each catch-all, picture 100 pre-teens saying "I'm STUCK!" or "I hope he got her name". Not a good sign fer the future.
1. There is a distinct and important line between being NEAT and being CLEAN. Apes, in POTA anyway, are NEAT, meaning they keep things in order. They are not CLEAN however, because they are filthy and groom themselves with their fingers. NEAT equals tidy. CLEAN equals bodily cleanliness, and all around cleanness. To further explain, if you are the type of person who straightens a book but doesn't clean the dust from it, you are NEAT but not CLEAN. If you don't mind a thousand pieces of (clean) paper strewn about, but you can't stand to let a puddle of spilled soda sit on yer counter, you are CLEAN but not NEAT. A majority of people who consider themselves "CLEAN" are actually "NEAT" and vice versa. Glad to clear that up.
Next five: "Something Happpened on the Way to the Crack HOuse" by lois lane; "sublet" by lifter puller; "landslide" by fleetwood mac; "hag seed" by thirty ought six; and "astral weeks" by van morrison.
In the stereo: Cubs 4 Padlosers 3.
***1***Out of tune. I couldn't resist.
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