ZooK
I don't know...maybe he thought I might say something. Will you believe me when I tell you that there was kindness...in his heart. His left hand didn't know what his right hand was doing. It was just that...certain connections had been burned through. If I opened up your head, and ran a hot sodering iron around in your brain, I might turn you into something like that...
So I'm back, and I've meant to BLARG this for a while.
A few weeks back when I was visiting Ryan, we ventured over to Marcie's for a "party"***1***and we're on the deck/stairs and Marcie starts making fun of me for "keeping Ryan a Secret"***2*** from my family. This starts a fascinating and important discussion. I believe that my personal life is private. I tend to keep most if not all details of my dating life***3*** to myself, especially around my family. Now you have to understand: my extended family is Strange about girlfriends/boyfriends***4***. For example, my cousin G.***5*** brings his girlfriend to every family function, where they hold hands and baby talk and generally make me want to walk off a short pier. His dad looks at me like I'm either gay or a chump or bothe because I've never brought a girl with me to a function. Unless you're very serious, I don't see the point. With Ryan it is different, b/c she lives 100 miles away, and my parents have no way of knowing her. If she lived in, lets say, Lisle or Aurora, of course she'd be around here a lot, and my family would have met and loved her by now. But I choose to keep that side of my life private***6***. It doesn't mean SECRET, it means not being outwardly flashy about it.
This doesn't mean that if you bring your significant other with you everywhere that I think less of you. I wish I could be like that, but I'm not. This doesn't mean that I'm embarassed or afraid, it just means I like to keep the private in private. I don't know, maybe its weird...it just feels right to me this way.
So anyway, Jesse***7***and I agree***8***on this and strangely both of us have loved ones who have asked us if we were gay***9***. Why is it athat men can't be private? All the sudden, its like this explosion of femininity in men, wehre they feel they have to be super/hyper-emotional and loving in public or they're insensitive. I write fucking poetry fer chrissakes!!! I am***10*** a sensitive human being. NOw I'm not saying that guys who are sweet and gentlemenly to their girlfriends are feminine. Exactly the opposite. Men should respect and love women (or men, if you're so inclined) and the other way around. I'm just saying that me, as myself, being private does not equal being ashamed/keeping a secret.
OK?
There, I said it. mOre later, including yesterday's encounter with a baby raccoon. Yes, my deepest darkest fears were opened like a wound yesterday, when I came face to face with my arch-nemesis...the raccoon. Later, skaters.
The next five shows I'm going to see are: July 22 Pete Yorn at Schubas; July 24th Vagrant tour starring Hey Mercedes and some other bands; July 26th Pernice Bros. at Schubas; August 23rd Juno at Courtyard Cafe; Sometime in September, Built to Spill at MEtro.
***1***Commentary: really the same 20 people I/we always hang out with...just a different day and different channel.
***2***Deleted Scene: this would be a good name for a book/movie/album. Although the soon coming to town Built To Spill shares a close resemblance.
***3***Deleted Scene: Ryan laughing histarically at the idea of me having a "dating history", since my longest previous relationship lasted about six weeks.
***4***Deleted Scene: My cousin V. being used as an excuse for my Uncle and Aunt being in town from Wisconsin. Have I told you this before? My Uncle came up with this terrible idea for a surprise birthday party for my grandmother. So the excuse he made up, without consulting V and his girlfriend? They were engaged. V. had not intentions of getting married (that I knew of) so he and his girlfriend got put in this awfully awkward situation of having to pretend to be getting married. Now they're engaged for real, and I hate to think that this "party scheme" was the main reason.
***5***Commentary: I recently learned that this little BLARG comes up in most/all search engines under my name. My cousin's real name isn't "G" obviously. Though what a name that would be. Think: I get all paranoid and looking around when someone says "eXACTly". Imagine walking around on your tippie-toes everytime someone says "GEE...".
***6***Behind the Scenes: Over the years, truthfully, I've never really brought anyone by, but only b/c I've never felt this strongly for someone before.
***7***Deleted Scene: Jesse is a deleted BLARGer, or a conscientious objector to the BLARG.
***8***Commentary: For those of you seriously on top of yer games realizing that I've added to this post after the fact, well done. My fucking p.o.s computer had another huge keyboard meltdown, which it appears I have solved by turning it on and off three times...fuck it.
***9***Deleted Scene: My mom, once, although I don't know how serious she was. For some reason I had picked up a Gay/Lesbian weekly free newspaper in Chicago and I had it in a pile of others and she saw it and asked. Ryan once told me that she sees how people might think this, but guarantees me she knows I'm straight. I don't feel the need to add the "not that there's anything wrong with that" thread, although I guess I just did.
***10***And I'm neither shamed nor scared to admit it.
I don't know...maybe he thought I might say something. Will you believe me when I tell you that there was kindness...in his heart. His left hand didn't know what his right hand was doing. It was just that...certain connections had been burned through. If I opened up your head, and ran a hot sodering iron around in your brain, I might turn you into something like that...
So I'm back, and I've meant to BLARG this for a while.
A few weeks back when I was visiting Ryan, we ventured over to Marcie's for a "party"***1***and we're on the deck/stairs and Marcie starts making fun of me for "keeping Ryan a Secret"***2*** from my family. This starts a fascinating and important discussion. I believe that my personal life is private. I tend to keep most if not all details of my dating life***3*** to myself, especially around my family. Now you have to understand: my extended family is Strange about girlfriends/boyfriends***4***. For example, my cousin G.***5*** brings his girlfriend to every family function, where they hold hands and baby talk and generally make me want to walk off a short pier. His dad looks at me like I'm either gay or a chump or bothe because I've never brought a girl with me to a function. Unless you're very serious, I don't see the point. With Ryan it is different, b/c she lives 100 miles away, and my parents have no way of knowing her. If she lived in, lets say, Lisle or Aurora, of course she'd be around here a lot, and my family would have met and loved her by now. But I choose to keep that side of my life private***6***. It doesn't mean SECRET, it means not being outwardly flashy about it.
This doesn't mean that if you bring your significant other with you everywhere that I think less of you. I wish I could be like that, but I'm not. This doesn't mean that I'm embarassed or afraid, it just means I like to keep the private in private. I don't know, maybe its weird...it just feels right to me this way.
So anyway, Jesse***7***and I agree***8***on this and strangely both of us have loved ones who have asked us if we were gay***9***. Why is it athat men can't be private? All the sudden, its like this explosion of femininity in men, wehre they feel they have to be super/hyper-emotional and loving in public or they're insensitive. I write fucking poetry fer chrissakes!!! I am***10*** a sensitive human being. NOw I'm not saying that guys who are sweet and gentlemenly to their girlfriends are feminine. Exactly the opposite. Men should respect and love women (or men, if you're so inclined) and the other way around. I'm just saying that me, as myself, being private does not equal being ashamed/keeping a secret.
OK?
There, I said it. mOre later, including yesterday's encounter with a baby raccoon. Yes, my deepest darkest fears were opened like a wound yesterday, when I came face to face with my arch-nemesis...the raccoon. Later, skaters.
The next five shows I'm going to see are: July 22 Pete Yorn at Schubas; July 24th Vagrant tour starring Hey Mercedes and some other bands; July 26th Pernice Bros. at Schubas; August 23rd Juno at Courtyard Cafe; Sometime in September, Built to Spill at MEtro.
***1***Commentary: really the same 20 people I/we always hang out with...just a different day and different channel.
***2***Deleted Scene: this would be a good name for a book/movie/album. Although the soon coming to town Built To Spill shares a close resemblance.
***3***Deleted Scene: Ryan laughing histarically at the idea of me having a "dating history", since my longest previous relationship lasted about six weeks.
***4***Deleted Scene: My cousin V. being used as an excuse for my Uncle and Aunt being in town from Wisconsin. Have I told you this before? My Uncle came up with this terrible idea for a surprise birthday party for my grandmother. So the excuse he made up, without consulting V and his girlfriend? They were engaged. V. had not intentions of getting married (that I knew of) so he and his girlfriend got put in this awfully awkward situation of having to pretend to be getting married. Now they're engaged for real, and I hate to think that this "party scheme" was the main reason.
***5***Commentary: I recently learned that this little BLARG comes up in most/all search engines under my name. My cousin's real name isn't "G" obviously. Though what a name that would be. Think: I get all paranoid and looking around when someone says "eXACTly". Imagine walking around on your tippie-toes everytime someone says "GEE...".
***6***Behind the Scenes: Over the years, truthfully, I've never really brought anyone by, but only b/c I've never felt this strongly for someone before.
***7***Deleted Scene: Jesse is a deleted BLARGer, or a conscientious objector to the BLARG.
***8***Commentary: For those of you seriously on top of yer games realizing that I've added to this post after the fact, well done. My fucking p.o.s computer had another huge keyboard meltdown, which it appears I have solved by turning it on and off three times...fuck it.
***9***Deleted Scene: My mom, once, although I don't know how serious she was. For some reason I had picked up a Gay/Lesbian weekly free newspaper in Chicago and I had it in a pile of others and she saw it and asked. Ryan once told me that she sees how people might think this, but guarantees me she knows I'm straight. I don't feel the need to add the "not that there's anything wrong with that" thread, although I guess I just did.
***10***And I'm neither shamed nor scared to admit it.
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