Zach "Lowest Common Denominator" Kuhn
Umi says shine your light on the world.
I'm alone, sitting in my boxers and recently (and with great consternation, ask Scott) purchased D-Plan t-shirt, BLARGing. Dudes, I'm relaxing.
I can't believe Marcie hasn't told the "Dude, I'm relaxing" story from Friday night yet. I gave him ample time, but now I must take the first crack. We went to this bonfire/party and Marcie stepped in dog dook. He/I didn't realize it until I realized that the smell I thought was coming from his burrito was actually coming from his shoe. He, of course, barely cleans the shit off by using a near-entire roll of paper towels until I grab him the cleaning spray. The brand new shoes still have shit on them, so he decides to go out in the hallway and knock them against the wall. What this was supposed to accomplish, Scott, Luke, Ryan and I will never know. For about fifteen seconds he (admittedly quite loudly) bangs his shoe against the wall.***1*** So as the rest of us are telling him to knock it off, another voice from down the hall says something to the effect of "Shut the fuck Up!". Marcie mutters "Bite my ass" just loud enough for them to hear but not loud enough to be too threatening***2***.
So about 90 seconds later with Marcie clearly done with his banging, there is a knock at our door. We all know who it is, yet for some reason Marcie decides to open the door. There, and I shit you not, stands a guy. This guy is wearing, from top to bottom: ISU Redbirds fitted baseball cap holding up baseball sunglasses (remember, its 1 a.m); ISU windbreaker; ISU t-shirt; and ISU blue jeans***3***. He says, and I'm not bullshitting, "Dude, we're trying to watch TV and relax, and we can't do it with all this banging." Marcie, less threatening: "Dude, I'm done."
ISU Dude: "Yeah but dude, we're trying to relax."
Scott: "Yeah, us too. See (points to TV)? We're watching Seinfeld***4***."
ISU Dude: "Yeah, but we're trying to relax."
Us: Laugh, laugh, laugh.
He finally left, and we had a gay old time making fun of him. The moral of the story: ISU clothes are sweet.***5***
***1***Here a footnote is needed: Our neighbors have this fetish of keeping their door open at all times, my theory is that they can't stand one minute without some sort of attention as their opinions of their selves are quite high.
***2***The only real difference between my high school friends and my college friends (I mean beyond the whole "punks" thing) is that my friends here know when to be threatening and my friends there were born threatening every living cell. One of my friends once talked shit to an 84 year old man. True story.
***3***What pants he was wearing are a matter of debate. I contend he was wearing jeans, Ryan swears she saw ISU sweatpants with REDBIRDS written across the oversize ass, Marcie was too busy fuming to notice, and Scooter wished the guy had no pants on.
***4***The George trying to be called T-Bone/Jerry paying his maid for sex/Kramer having the "Long Distance" relationship with a girl from downtown Episode.
***5***The next five songs on your radio in a perfect world would be: "never meant" by american football; "new noise" by refused; "glaxo" by jimmy eat world; "the new collapse" by THEmt.st.helens (old school); and "wrecking ball" by creeper lagoon.
Puff Daddy is putting out a gospel album. THAT's a conspiracy, P>D.
Umi says shine your light on the world.
I'm alone, sitting in my boxers and recently (and with great consternation, ask Scott) purchased D-Plan t-shirt, BLARGing. Dudes, I'm relaxing.
I can't believe Marcie hasn't told the "Dude, I'm relaxing" story from Friday night yet. I gave him ample time, but now I must take the first crack. We went to this bonfire/party and Marcie stepped in dog dook. He/I didn't realize it until I realized that the smell I thought was coming from his burrito was actually coming from his shoe. He, of course, barely cleans the shit off by using a near-entire roll of paper towels until I grab him the cleaning spray. The brand new shoes still have shit on them, so he decides to go out in the hallway and knock them against the wall. What this was supposed to accomplish, Scott, Luke, Ryan and I will never know. For about fifteen seconds he (admittedly quite loudly) bangs his shoe against the wall.***1*** So as the rest of us are telling him to knock it off, another voice from down the hall says something to the effect of "Shut the fuck Up!". Marcie mutters "Bite my ass" just loud enough for them to hear but not loud enough to be too threatening***2***.
So about 90 seconds later with Marcie clearly done with his banging, there is a knock at our door. We all know who it is, yet for some reason Marcie decides to open the door. There, and I shit you not, stands a guy. This guy is wearing, from top to bottom: ISU Redbirds fitted baseball cap holding up baseball sunglasses (remember, its 1 a.m); ISU windbreaker; ISU t-shirt; and ISU blue jeans***3***. He says, and I'm not bullshitting, "Dude, we're trying to watch TV and relax, and we can't do it with all this banging." Marcie, less threatening: "Dude, I'm done."
ISU Dude: "Yeah but dude, we're trying to relax."
Scott: "Yeah, us too. See (points to TV)? We're watching Seinfeld***4***."
ISU Dude: "Yeah, but we're trying to relax."
Us: Laugh, laugh, laugh.
He finally left, and we had a gay old time making fun of him. The moral of the story: ISU clothes are sweet.***5***
***1***Here a footnote is needed: Our neighbors have this fetish of keeping their door open at all times, my theory is that they can't stand one minute without some sort of attention as their opinions of their selves are quite high.
***2***The only real difference between my high school friends and my college friends (I mean beyond the whole "punks" thing) is that my friends here know when to be threatening and my friends there were born threatening every living cell. One of my friends once talked shit to an 84 year old man. True story.
***3***What pants he was wearing are a matter of debate. I contend he was wearing jeans, Ryan swears she saw ISU sweatpants with REDBIRDS written across the oversize ass, Marcie was too busy fuming to notice, and Scooter wished the guy had no pants on.
***4***The George trying to be called T-Bone/Jerry paying his maid for sex/Kramer having the "Long Distance" relationship with a girl from downtown Episode.
***5***The next five songs on your radio in a perfect world would be: "never meant" by american football; "new noise" by refused; "glaxo" by jimmy eat world; "the new collapse" by THEmt.st.helens (old school); and "wrecking ball" by creeper lagoon.
Puff Daddy is putting out a gospel album. THAT's a conspiracy, P>D.
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