Thursday, July 12, 2001

ZooK

Makeout Party let's get things started***1***.

The password is....Ricky Guitierez. Or as the guy on TV just said, "Ricky don't lose that number man!". Can a Cubs win on a Ricky G. Grand slam get any better? I think not. Sox fans suck. Scoot, have fun at the game, and touch some butts.

I am now the not-so-proud owner of a ticket to the Wednesday Vagrant show. I want to see the show, want to see all the bands, and will have a good time. Hopefully, I'll be able to sell this ticket at the door for the 15 bucks it SHOULD have cost me, and Vagrant will get back to me with some guest list shit. However, I have this deep paranoia of shows that I really want to see selling out so I went ahead over to Ticketbastard.com***2***and bought one. here's my beef:
1. Cost of ticket, $15. Totally reasonable. It's a big show, a big venue, and 15 for 4 really solid acts is very affordable and worth it.
2. Ticketbastard "convienience" charge: $4.50. I object, but not too loudly. It beats having to drag ass over to Carson's to deal with a person who inevitably always says "WHO?!?!?!?" when I go to get tickets. To avoid this interaction, I say Fuck it and get it on the web.
3. Tax: $0.14. I'd be a cheap bastard to objec to this, although see the Unabomber manifesto to see a good objection to the taxation of citizens.
4. Ticketbastard "handling" charge: $3.75. Fuck yeah they're handling. I'm getting this ticket sent standard mail. Tops the ticket weighs an ounce, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say postage will cost a dollar. That is the most this "handling" should cost, since they print the ticket off the computer and have some mindless hack send it. So why is it that I have to pay TWO separate charges to get my ticket?!?!?? The original $4.50 must cover Hey Mercedes' makeup requirements, so what does this money do? Feed the coy kept in the Vagrant toilet? Provide training and resources for Raccoons filing up and around my block to kill me? Pay for the Get Up Kids hair gel?!!!??!?!?****3***

So for a 15 dollar ticket I'll probably end up getting for free I just spent $23.39. American. In a free country, I'm sure spending some hard earned***4***dough.

The next five things that would happen in a perfect world would be: Ricky Guitieriez hits a grand slam (check); Cubs win game one of the series (check); I get an apology note from TICKETBASTARd explaining that indeed the extra money goes to Saves The Day's makeout party fund (waiting); Steely Dan plays my backyard (in the works); and I get an email from Lars Ulrich requesting my foot to be surgically implanted in his butt (in the mail).

In the stereo: rufus wainwright.

***1***Once, at a Haloween party, I sang this line out loud, but had to mumble the end of it cuz I couldn't remember it. Sorry about that.
***2***They don't get a fucking link, fascist motherhumpers.
***3***No, I know. It goes to the fat pockets of whatever genius thought this scam artist ring up, but wouldn't it be better if the ticket said: "charge applies to the balance remaining bands DVD collection, spa visits, and punk rock t-shirts"?!?!
***4***It's a relative term. Hard work = me squirming but doing it anyway, with a frown and a sigh.

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