Marc

Pop quiz, hotshots! Grab your pencils and some paper.

Fill in the blank with the correct letter:

(1) Seeing lightning strike the ground around your motor vehicle as you drive through the mountains is cooler than ______ , but not nearly as cool as _______.

(a) getting Herpes ... getting Crabs.
(b) seeing lightning strike the ground around your car as you drive through the Midwest ... seeing Sugar Ray's bassist get struck by lightning at the Warped Tour years ago.
(c) walking in on your grandparent's making whoppee ... walking in on your roommate jacking off.
(d) All of the Above

(2) The Chicago Cubs are the best baseball team in the _____ .

(a) American League
(b) Canadian League
(c) League of Women's Voters
(d) National League
(e) World

(3) In football (American version), a safety is worth ______ .

(a) 3 points
(b) a pat on the back from the opposition's head coach
(c) 2 points
(d) a congratulatory phone call from the President of the USA (who probably doesn't even know the correct answer)

(4) Buying Jimmy Eat World's Metro show tickets even though there are conflicting reports as to whether or not they're playing it or not is ______ .

(a) extremely foolish
(b) conservative, but rightfully so
(c) not a bad idea, one that can be easily justified b/c you've heard that full refunds will be issued if the show doesn't happen
(d) a stroke of fucking genius because everyone else thinks the show might be cancelled so you'll probably get right up next to the stage ... so close you can learn all the guitar parts to all the songs that all the bands play ... all night long
(e) all of the above

(5) Jerry Stiller is ______ .

(a) sexy
(b) incredibly sexy
(c) unbearably sexy
(d) old and wrinkly

Answers: 1. b 2. e 3. c 4. d 5. d

If you got all 5 right ... you are worthy of a seriously bitching pat on the back from an attractive member of the sex that you find most appealing.
If you got 4 right ... you deserve a pair of cookies ... with ice cream in between and M & M's on top.
If you got 3 right ... you need to adjust your popular culture spectacles and get with the program, but otherwise, you're probably okay.
If you got 2 right ... your eyes need to be mechanically pried (and held) open for repeated viewings of Super Mario Brothers: The Movie.
If you got 1 right ... you will be required to watch interview after mind-altering interview with Coral from MTV's Real World 10.
If you got 0 right ... you are to be molested by a rabid pair of chipmunks who all seem to somewhat resemble Simon (of Alvin & the Chipmunks), all while LFO's "The Girl on TV" plays loudly in the not-too-distant background.