ZooK
Father Ron: People come to me with all sorts of problems: marital problems, drug problems, sexual problems...
Terry: Sounds like you got a pretty good job.
Father Ron: Well I like it.
No more excuses: You can Count on Me is available everywhere as of yesterday. A short trip down the road and 4 bucks is all you need to experience what could be the best movie I've seen. Ever.
Enough of that, dig this: all night yesterday I kept smelling this awful stench in my house. Kind of a garbagey/dead animal raunch. Now I have a sensitive nasal palate***1***and I've been known to notice slight disturbances in the air far more quickly than yer average human male. For instance, just this morning I could smell the coffee of a passing motorist. Don't believe me? I can smell you right now***2***. Someone needs some an-ti-pers-pe-rant. Anyway, I have been blessed with this gift***3** as my "one thing" ala Dirk Diggler***4***, and I use it to my benefit like a hawk or a fish.
So this smell is strong yesterday, and clearly coming from the rear wall of the house. My dad said nothing when I mentioned it to him***5***and my mom was asleep so I just drifted off to Lift Yer Skinny Fists... and dreamed about camping and the aftermath of a Cubs World Series and a somewhat serious encounter with a rotten Finch that Kept attacking my screaming freaked out self when I tried to run from it. And when I woke up it was worse, way worse. Marcie's room never smelled this bad which is a back ass compliment I realize but one I'm sure he'll accept as somewhat positive, regardless.
My mom and I walked up and down the hallway, playing a sad game of Marco Polo with an invisible, mute partner who either eminated from the wood floor in the living room or a day old 1/2 eaten granola bar in the garbage can***6***. In other words, hopeless. So I work all day and its hot but tolerable and we make progress that makes Kenny and I happy and my dad indifferent***7***and I come home to the Cubs losing and the smell which is undoubtedly stronger and definitely a dead animal. I am afraid, turly phobic, of only 2 animals. Yes, the raccoon is one. And....the opossum. So deadly and viscious they had to add the "o". According to Ken***8*** the dreaded oppossum has the most teeth on any mammal. My fear stems from a COPS episode***9***in which an oppossum attacked a P.O. who had corralled it into a cabinet.
And one happened to die in my window-well.
Shall I take this as a sign? These things come in 3's. What's next?!?!? A rat in my bed? An undomesticated cat in my sleeping bag when (if) I go camping? Can I just not go outside? Ever? These animals seem to sense me, to smell my fear. They are coming, friends, and for me in particular. The revolution shall be naturized.
Too late for any Top fives.
***1***Almost completely destroyed by 3 years with the smell aka Marcie Helgenberger. HEre's to living with a great smelling young woman.
***2***We Panaphobes can't deny a small bit of soft porn to every little phrase.
***3***debatabe, see #1.
***4***Actually I managed to get two Things, one the smell deal and the other being good at bubble blowing. See #3.
***5***Not a surprise.
***6***Let's just try and guess which of us came up with that one.
***7***see #5, but don't think he's not tops, because he is. THe best human male on the planet.
***8***And disputed by my dad.
***9***As do my fears of non 7-11 convienient stores, trailer park residents, and overweight seargents with bad do's and 'tudes.
Father Ron: People come to me with all sorts of problems: marital problems, drug problems, sexual problems...
Terry: Sounds like you got a pretty good job.
Father Ron: Well I like it.
No more excuses: You can Count on Me is available everywhere as of yesterday. A short trip down the road and 4 bucks is all you need to experience what could be the best movie I've seen. Ever.
Enough of that, dig this: all night yesterday I kept smelling this awful stench in my house. Kind of a garbagey/dead animal raunch. Now I have a sensitive nasal palate***1***and I've been known to notice slight disturbances in the air far more quickly than yer average human male. For instance, just this morning I could smell the coffee of a passing motorist. Don't believe me? I can smell you right now***2***. Someone needs some an-ti-pers-pe-rant. Anyway, I have been blessed with this gift***3** as my "one thing" ala Dirk Diggler***4***, and I use it to my benefit like a hawk or a fish.
So this smell is strong yesterday, and clearly coming from the rear wall of the house. My dad said nothing when I mentioned it to him***5***and my mom was asleep so I just drifted off to Lift Yer Skinny Fists... and dreamed about camping and the aftermath of a Cubs World Series and a somewhat serious encounter with a rotten Finch that Kept attacking my screaming freaked out self when I tried to run from it. And when I woke up it was worse, way worse. Marcie's room never smelled this bad which is a back ass compliment I realize but one I'm sure he'll accept as somewhat positive, regardless.
My mom and I walked up and down the hallway, playing a sad game of Marco Polo with an invisible, mute partner who either eminated from the wood floor in the living room or a day old 1/2 eaten granola bar in the garbage can***6***. In other words, hopeless. So I work all day and its hot but tolerable and we make progress that makes Kenny and I happy and my dad indifferent***7***and I come home to the Cubs losing and the smell which is undoubtedly stronger and definitely a dead animal. I am afraid, turly phobic, of only 2 animals. Yes, the raccoon is one. And....the opossum. So deadly and viscious they had to add the "o". According to Ken***8*** the dreaded oppossum has the most teeth on any mammal. My fear stems from a COPS episode***9***in which an oppossum attacked a P.O. who had corralled it into a cabinet.
And one happened to die in my window-well.
Shall I take this as a sign? These things come in 3's. What's next?!?!? A rat in my bed? An undomesticated cat in my sleeping bag when (if) I go camping? Can I just not go outside? Ever? These animals seem to sense me, to smell my fear. They are coming, friends, and for me in particular. The revolution shall be naturized.
Too late for any Top fives.
***1***Almost completely destroyed by 3 years with the smell aka Marcie Helgenberger. HEre's to living with a great smelling young woman.
***2***We Panaphobes can't deny a small bit of soft porn to every little phrase.
***3***debatabe, see #1.
***4***Actually I managed to get two Things, one the smell deal and the other being good at bubble blowing. See #3.
***5***Not a surprise.
***6***Let's just try and guess which of us came up with that one.
***7***see #5, but don't think he's not tops, because he is. THe best human male on the planet.
***8***And disputed by my dad.
***9***As do my fears of non 7-11 convienient stores, trailer park residents, and overweight seargents with bad do's and 'tudes.
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